Are any of these happening in your closest relationship?
– Arguments break out over what would previously be seen by you as a ‘minor’ issue.
– These arguments seem to ‘rumble on’ rather than finish or may even end in a physical outburst like pushing or hitting.
– Communication has broken down between you and your partner. Talking may even seem to make things worse.
– You are already separated and need to decide together whether this most important relationship can be remade. Or, together, work out how to complete the separation with care and understanding.
– Matters around fidelity or money mean that you no longer trust your partner.
– Sex with your partner has stopped or causes problems between you.
– A change such as a new baby, teenage children, illness, work-related stress or the loss of a parent seems to have altered the dynamics of your relationship.
When this most central relationship in our lives seems to have ‘stopped working’ the impact on our happiness, wellbeing and sense of ease can be enormous. Someone who was once a trusted source of support and care may now become a source of inner disturbance and pain.
What can counselling as a couple offer?
In couples counselling this central relationship between two people, rather than either individual, is the ‘client’.
In couples counselling we develop new strategies to –
– Recognise that conflicts in relationships are inevitable and, in fact, can be useful.
– Manage conflict in a way that takes partners forwards rather than setting them back.
– Recognise that both partners bring their own beliefs, values, thoughts & feelings and these need to be fully expressed, heard and accounted for.
– Recognise that differences also need to be fully expressed, heard and accounted.
Many of our beliefs, values, ways of thinking and familiar feelings are replays of family situations from early life. Whilst these may have been effective ‘back then’, in our early family, they are not necessarily the best ways to approach relationships in the here-and-now.
It may be that one or both of you have unresolved issues from before your current relationship and that these emerge during couples counselling. These old wounds may need looking at before your relationship can heal. Individual sessions within the couples work are sometimes an important part of our work.
If your relationship with your partner is causing you both pain there’s no need to keep doing this relationship in the same way. Contact me – let’s arrange a time to talk about your specific needs and how we might work together.